Dateless and Desperate

So tonight--after sitting at home way too many weekend nights stalking my ex online, I thought about trying online dating one more time. I had dinner with a friend who met a really nice guy on Match.com so why couldn't it happen to me? Besides--even if I don't meet the man of my dreams--anything's gotta be better than sitting here wondering what he's doing. Right?

So I sat through what seemed like an hour of questions on one dating site--but couldn't pull the trigger to subscribe. As I answered all those questions--I thought--really? Are they really answering these honestly--or the way they THINK you'd want them to answer? I was honest. Maybe later.

Then I logged on to Match.com again. Remember, this was the site I tried out for a few months--never went on a date. Just wasn't ready. (see previous post) Sure, I got quite a few emails--and 2,223 people viewed my profile--that's impressive. (or maybe it was that one Vern Troyer look-alike viewing it that many times?) Anywho--I thought--couldn't hurt to look right? I did. It hurt. In fact--many of the same guys who were emailing me a year ago, are still on there?!! What's that about? Undatable? Too picky? Waiting for me? Nah. Again--couldn't pull the trigger to subscribe. I mean really--if it's the same guys emailing me--I'd rather stick with the Netflix.

Earlier I told you I'd post my online dating profile for your review, analysis, criticism or laughs. So here it is. Let me know what you think. Because I really am tired of being alone. And if this is the only way to meet people today...then, maybe. So, If you were a guy (even if you are) and you read this--would you date me? I need help. I need suggestions. If I"m going to do this again--I need to play the role of someone looking to date. So I need to be convincing. Maybe less sarcastic? I'm just gonna act. And maybe I"ll get lucky? Or maybe I'll just get out of the house and stop watching his lame band video online.
Here's my profile:

ATTENTION: To all those who I've said "online dating? not me, blech, are you crazy? lame. they lie about their pictures. I don't need it. Ick. Icky." I apologize. Apparently I do need this. It's tough to meet people when you work long hours--and I make it a policy not to date people from work...so there goes that one. Bars? Not alone. Around here they seem filled with women in fishnet stockings and heels...I can't compete with that--I wore fishnet stockings in a dance recital when I was 5. I try not to repeat fashion mistakes or the steps to "Satin Dolls".


So...here goes nothin. Or hopefully somethin'.
First up...YOU: if you're a serial dater hopping between 20-30 nice gals on here--please keep moving. I"m hoping to meet someone groovie. A Charlie Brown to my Lucy. Not a good time charlie. I hope you're nice. Care about others more than yourself yet don't care what others think about you. (Have I lost you already?)


Okay--ME...I like to make people laugh, don't take myself too seriously, I can be pretty silly and **sarcastic, oh and I am Italian--so if you can't stand a little heat--forgetaboutit--but then you won't get to taste any Biscotti. I'm learning to live thru my fears (went white water rafting and now this)
I have a good heart and try to balance my blessings by volunteering to help others who don't have as many. When I give money to a homeless person, I always ask what their name is. Family is important to me. So is my TiVo. I have an amazing group of friends--so if I never date again, I'll be okay. But then I'll have to join a convent and I don't think they'll let me bring my TiVo.

In conclusion...Please be kind. Spoonful of sugar and all that...I don't have time for crazy. I'm looking for something meaningful and long term--as long as long term is these days. Chemistry is big to me. If it's not there immediately--then doubtful much else will be. That's not shallow--just part of what's important to me. I know--Oprah would be pissed. But then she never went on a date with me.

**see? sarcastic. Bark--worse--bite. Don't be scared. Oh and this wink thingy? Feels too much like a slumber party game. I won't be winking back. I'm into communication. thanks!