I Un-Friended My 80 Year Old Aunt

I know. You're thinking I"m a cruel Facebook bitch with no heart. How could anyone "un-friend" an 80 year old who figures out how to use social media? Let alone an 80 year old you're related to? Me. I could. I did. And I think I've caused a major family rift that could rival the reading of Grandpa's will forcing four brothers to never speak again--over bricks.

Cement aside, my dear Aunt C isn't the only relative I'm "friends" with on FB. But the only one who sits in wait for me or any of her nieces to post something on the proverbial wall. Seriously, she pounces. People think she's my mother, always on the watch of her darling daughters. Social media really becomes something more than a place to post stupid shit about your breakfast--when you're 80. It's your window on the world. I didn't know this until my real mom told me my Aunt cried about it.

Have you run into an uncomfortable Facebook friending? Maybe weirdness b/w generations? Mother watching son? Sister ratting on brother's drunk photos? Your ex friend "liking" everything your ex boyfriend posts. (oh wait, that's me) Aunt C wasn't doing any of that--she just e-drooled over her lovely nieces waaaay too much. "Oh my nieces are so beautiful and talented!" To my peers. It made me feel twelve. It should have made me feel good. But it didn't. She responded to a shout out I posted to my local friends--and that was all it took. The post that broke the camel's book-er-back.

So you're probably asking, why should I let her buttings-in bug me? Why not just ignore them? Delete them? Did I have to destroy her digital senior world? I don't really have a reason except for this: the little things bug the crap out of me lately. The teeny, tiny things are keeping me up at night. I get worked up when people park in front of my house and run through the neat pile of leaves the gardeners made. Shouldn't I shrug it off and be happy I'll get some exercise raking? I get pissy in the garage at work if someone parks too close to my car--fearful of a ding in my ten year old vehicle. Can't I trust that they won't open their door into mine and not care because--it's old? Basically my fuse is short. Or non-existent. Like when a candle wick gets coated over with wax and you can't light it? That's how short.

Every morning I try to do some meditative breathing and tell myself, this too shall pass. I have a post-it note on my computer I read every day "Let nothing perturb you, nothing frighten you. All things Pass. Patience achieves everything." That's from Mother Theresa. She had to know what she was talking about. Seriously. But I doubt she'd be very happy with me de-friending Aunt C. Patience with an 80 year old is important. But not at the top of my list right now.

So okay, it probably was a knee-jerk reaction. It wasn't about Aunt C. But I also thought I can do whatever I want with my social media persona? And she probably wouldn't notice if I dropped her? She did. And when she emailed me to see if it was a "mistake," I told her I was separating my personal life, from my professional life. Well kinda. More like separating my family life, from my personal life. And then only my dad's side. But not my cousins. And my sisters are cool. And my aunt in St. Louis who says nothing but Happy Birthday on FB. So maybe just my 80 year old aunt. I didn't want to hurt her feelings and say I hate your "I love my talented nieces!" postings because my bosses, colleagues, friends, exs and yoga teachers can read them and they embarrass me. For schwa I have confidence issues if I'm afraid of an 80 year old expressing harmless love on the Internet. Or....

I"m just tired of her.

Regardless. I'm now the bad niece. So see how that works? From good niece the world reads about, to nasty niece in the amount of time it takes to "thumbs up" someone. I've read recent postings by other family members "alluding" to the "childishness" of Facebook. Are they directed at me? Not sure.  Even so, I sort of agree. FB is turning into a large, global, digital yearbook where the world is running for homecoming queen. Been there, lost that. Family rift aside. I feel horrible. But not bad enough to make up and be "friends" again. I told her to email me. Whenever she wants. She never knew what I was doing on a daily basis before? Why can't we still be okay with Merry Xmas and Easter cannoli again? I hope I haven't done irreparable damage to my relationship with her. I just want separation between church and state and family. Is that too much to ask? (thumbs up if you agree)

Joking and hurt feelings aside, if anyone uses social media as their only way to communicate, now hear this: No matter what your age, the phone, a card, even an email is always a better bet. More personal. Private. FB is a silly place to post silly stuff you don't know what to do with during your day. The crap your husband won't listen to, the stuff your mom doesn't care about-- anything that makes you feel better about yourself--b/c you're sharing it with the anonymous friend/fan/face crowd. So Aunt C...and any other 80 year old using social media...keep writing those Xmas cards and going to church. Those are the connections that matter. Not the ones that come in 141 characters or less.