Today I just want answers. Is that too much to ask? Don't answer that. No wait. Please do. At every turn today I couldn't get answers. And it frustrated me. Why does it seem like everyone avoids giving answers these days? Have you noticed? When we were kids--you got answers. Why is the sky blue? Because. How come I can't have more ice cream? Because. At least "because" was taking a stab at it?!! Today it feels like we've become a society of answer avoiders.
These are some of the things I want to know:
Question one. What the hell is this pain in my stomach? My day started off with the latest attempt to solve this on-going saga of "name the pain" in my tummy. (tired of this yet? I am!) If it's not my gallbladder OR a hernia--WHAT IS IT? I went in for yet another ultrasound--but I know it'll show nothing. I can't get a straight answer from any of the docs I've seen. Partially because they're playing wheel-of-fortune with my insides, passing me from one specialist to another.
So I'll take the tests. And hope that one of them will provide an answer. In an indirect way. Process of elimination right? Today's ultrasound was that one where you have to drink a ton of water beforehand? So I did. Thirty-two ounces and no food. I made my appointment on time--WHY COULDN'T THEY? Seriously. 8:30. I only had to "hold it" to 8:30. Checked my watch - 8:40. Looked around, crossed my legs again--8:50. At that point--I risked leakage to go ask the receptionist what in the H2O was going on. "I just drank my weight in water, and you're 20 minutes late?" Cruel and somewhat unusual punishment. She made some fake phone call and then told me "if you can release and count to five, go ahead." What? Release? Honey opening these floodgates was going to be a release like Hoover Dam has never seen. There was no stopping it.
Finally. My turn. It was one of those girlie-region ultrasounds. The first part was pretty normal. Except for the fact that I forgot to turn off my phone and Charlie Brown started ringing while the technicians were talking about my ovaries. I figured that was it--some slimy junk on my junk and it's over. Then they said--"okay, you can go to the bathroom now before we do the second part." The second part? And then they pulled out a foot-long magical camera wand that resembled a vibrator for a female giant. And that's all we'll be talking about with regards to question one. And no, the mega va-jay-jay stick provided no answers. At least not yet.
Question two, three, four, five...all at work. I won't bore you with the individual questions. But I have one of those bosses who would rather manage through avoidance. Meaning--when you ask a question, via email, phone or in person--they don't give you an answer. They either ignore your question completely OR say "we'll talk about it." And then of course, you never do. I'm not that kind of manager. I'm not afraid to make a decision and answer a question directly. It's taking a chance, yes, that' you'll be wrong--but it's making a decision. Just answer the question dude!! You're frustrating everyone! See? When did we become a society of avoiders? This guy probably got promoted because he never makes a mistake. Well he also never sticks his neck out long enough to make a decision. I can't answer my own questions? Can I? (Yes but then you're not very popular.)
And now the final question of the day. I was "invited" to view a video my ex did--and posted to their band's You Tube site. Now. No matter how hard I tried to NOT look at it--I did. And when I did--I saw someone posted a comment-- before I even watched the video--I wanted to know...
Question six: Why is he friends with her? Her being someone from my last job who hurt me a great deal by being my friend while I was her manager--and then when the shit hit the fan and they laid me off--she dropped me like a hot potato. Now normally, I wouldn't care if this guy is friends with every woman in the world. But since we broke up he's made such a big deal about me being friends with some of his--shouldn't he follow the same rules? Even if I asked him-- I know I wouldn't get an answer. Not now.
I like answers. I'm an inquisitive person by nature. It's why I consider myself a good interviewer when I'm producing. I understand that occasionally--you won't get an answer. Maybe not today. And maybe not ever. And I'm finally beginning to learn that you may never know why things are, or aren't. And you have to be okay with that. I have to be okay with it. But it's a tough lesson. I liked it more when we were kids and everyone wanted to answer your questions--because you were cute and they most likely wanted make themselves sound smarter than a 4 year old. No one wants to be smarter than a 48 year old. They're too afraid their answer will mean they'll get blamed for something--or they gotta take you to dinner.
Do me a favor. Today only--try to answer all the questions asked of you. Don't say "we'll talk about it later"--talk about it now. Don't be an avoider. It's empowering. Any questions?
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