On Dating and Dyed Hair

So is it a sign you’re middle aged if you are more interested in protecting the 100 buck dye job you got yesterday, than washing your hair for a first date? Or maybe a sign you’re not ready to date? I should be. It’s been, I dunno, like a year and a half since my last date? Sad, and even sadder I’m admitting it here. But it’s the truth.

Which is why I can’t say no. I’m in danger of that whole 47 with 14 cats thing. Seriously. I check my email everyday to see when my new boyfriend Netflix will arrive. Popcorn, wine and Netflix. I can handle that. I don’t even know how to handle myself on a date anymore. As I tried to make the flat, lifeless, but rich- in-color hair look better, I told myself over and over…be kind…be gentle…it’s not this guy’s fault you feel like a fat loser b/c Mr. PP dumped you. (Mr. PP—er Pee-Pee is what my adorable niece Maia dubbed the ex. She loved him too.) I hate dating. I met PP on a whim. He popped up at a concert inquiring about my backstage pass. It wasn’t like dating. Or at least it didn’t feel that way.

But tonight--I can already feel the monster rising. My last correspondence to this nice man was “well a girl’s gotta eat?” What kind of response to an invitation to dinner is that? Sadly…the guy doesn’t stand a chance. Even on the first date. If you don’t stand a chance on the first date, then when do you? Negative one date? (that would be the phone call I guess.) I mean—I didn’t wash my hair. Ladies…when have you ever—EVER gone on a date and not washed your hair? And…even worse. I covered them up. Yep. Wore a turtleneck sweater. Covered. Them. Up.

Signs! The Signs! Not ready! Abort! Abort! But I want to be ready. I’ve been alone long enough. I didn’t wear the ring he gave me—that’s a step in the right direction right? I’m trying to “be friends” with the ring. I like the ring. It’s my birthstone. So what he put it on my left hand and I cried when he gave it to me in front of the fireplace at Christmas? And Scene.

Being friends with the ex’s jewelry is much easier than being friends with the ex. I tried this recently. But we’ll leave that for next time, because now I’m in danger of being late for the date. Sign? Discuss amongst yourselves. Wish me luck.